I always get so silly-happy to see the Royal Mail stamp!
What this does *not* say is "crochet pattern of doom for a knitter - turn back now!"
So nicely and neatly packaged and on beautiful paper stock:
And there are *five* pages and *no* charts. I'm pretty sure in there are the shorthand phrases for "weep uncontrollably at your knitter's I-want-to-learn-to-crochet-the-most-difficult-pattern-right-out-of-the-gate enthusiasm," followed by "take sewing needle and poke out own eyes for your idiocy." This is what I imagine the pattern will look like after I'm done weeping and gnashing my teeth (also? It's copyrighted material, no looksies):
The yarn is wound, the project bag is stocked.
I'm going in...